Reciprocity
This page was last modified: January 14th, 2023
I.
Itβs Christmas and I have the usual problem of deciding what to give you. I know you might enjoy many things β books, games, clothes.
But Iβm very selfish. I want to give you something that will stay with you for more than a few months or years. I want to give you a gift that might remind you of me every Christmas.
If I could give you just one thing, Iβd want it to be a simple truth that took me many years to learn. If you learn it now, it may enrich your life in hundreds of ways. And it may prevent you from facing many problems that have hurt people who have never learned it.
The truth is simply this:
No one owes you anything.
Significance
How could such a simple statement be important? It may not seem so, but understanding it can bless your entire life.
No one owes you anything.
It means that no one else is living for you, my child. Because no one is you. Each person is living for himself; his own happiness is all he can ever personally feel.
When you realize that no one owes you happiness or anything else, youβll be freed from expecting what isnβt likely to be.
It means no one has to love you. If someone loves you, itβs because thereβs something special about you that gives him happiness. Find out what that something special is and try to make it stronger in you, so that youβll be loved even more.
When people do things for you, itβs because they want to β because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything.
No one has to like you. If your friends want to be with you, itβs not out of duty. Find out what makes others happy so theyβll want to be near you.
Living Your Life
No one owes you anything.
You owe it to yourself to be the best person possible. Because if you are, others will want to be with you, want to provide you with the things you want in exchange for what youβre giving to them.
Some people will choose not to be with you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. When that happens, look elsewhere for the relationships you want. Donβt make someone elseβs problem your problem.
Once you learn that you must earn the love and respect of others, youβll never expect the impossible and you wonβt be disappointed. Others donβt have to share their property with you, nor their feelings or thoughts.
If they do, itβs because youβve earned these things. And you have every reason to be proud of the love you receive, your friendsβ respect, the property youβve earned. But donβt ever take them for granted. If you do, you could lose them. Theyβre not yours by right; you must always earn them. No one has to respect you. Some people may even be unkind to you. But once you realize that people donβt have to be good to you, and may not be good to you, youβll learn to avoid those who would harm you. For you donβt owe them anything either.
My Experience
A great burden was lifted from my shoulders the day I realized that no one owes me anything. For so long as Iβd thought there were things I was entitled to, Iβd been wearing myself out β physically and emotionally β trying to collect them.
No one owes me moral conduct, respect, friendship, love, courtesy, or intelligence. And once I recognized that, all my relationships became far more satisfying. Iβve focused on being with people who want to do the things I want them to do.
That understanding has served me well with friends, business associates, lovers, sales prospects, and strangers. It constantly reminds me that I can get what I want only if I can enter the other personβs world. I must try to understand how he thinks, what he believes to be important, what he wants. Only then can I appeal to someone in ways that will bring me what I want.
And only then can I tell whether I really want to be involved with someone. And I can save the important relationships for those with whom I have the most in common.
Itβs not easy to sum up in a few words what has taken me years to learn. But maybe if you re-read this gift each Christmas, the meaning will become a little clearer every year.
I hope so, for I want more than anything else for you to understand this simple truth that can set you free: no one owes you anything.
Source
Author(s) || Harry Browne
Newspaper || Santa Anna Register
Article || A Gift for My Daughter
Date || December 25, 1966
tags: [“evergreen”]
contributors: ["Harry Browne"]