4.7 Positive Internalization
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Video TranscriptSo the purpose of externalization is to remove all the internalized subconscious inadequacy. internalization is a pretty bad process because it’s always negative. When internalization happens, we are reliving and dwelling on bad memories. We forget all about the good ones, right? Positive internalization is the idea of intentionally doing the opposite intentionally focusing on good things and trying to internalize these positive feelings. Okay, so as well as removing bad feelings from the subconscious, we should add good ones to to increase effectiveness and to balance out. And by intentionally internalizing positive feelings, which contradict feelings of inadequacy, you can reduce the subconscious inadequacy. This is the basis behind positive affirmations, you may have heard of people who advise standing in front of a mirror and saying things like I am beautiful, or I am strong, I am capable, I can do it, or whatever, just over and over again, just repeating those phrases. The idea behind that is that you attempt to shift that from your conscious mind to your subconscious mind. So that it then drives your behaviors, behaviors and your actions and your feelings without you even thinking about it. Basically, the idea is that just by saying it over and over and over again, you kind of start to believe it, deep down. I don’t think that’s true. In fact, the I think that because the studies show that positive affirmations can actually be hurtful, when you don’t believe them. It might work for some people. And if you if you do believe them, then it’s probably a good thing. But if you’re just saying something that you don’t really believe in, over and over again, that it’s not gonna make you feel any better. Right? In order to internalize positive feelings, you must believe them. And saying things that you don’t think are true is probably not the best way to do that. However, taking some time to remind yourself of true things about yourself, things that you might forget things that you might not focus on things that might be drowned out by a persistent natural focus on the negative that we all tend to have. That’s certainly a good idea to focus on the good things and bring those things that you don’t often appreciate, into the forefront of your mind. So are positive affirmations useful? Only when the true a better technique is to intentionally seek positive memories, which make you remember good parts of yourself and replay them in your mind. By reliving those memories and seeing yourself in that positive light. You’ve helped to internalize this more positive perception of yourself. Oftentimes, we’re not aware of the the moments where we are dwelling on the negative things remembering negative experiences or projecting negative outcomes into the future. It’s very natural to just drift off into mindlessness and just not even be aware of what’s going on in our brains, but for actually to be quite negative. So it’s good to take some time to counteract that by doing the opposite by focusing on the positive focusing on positive memories. That’s essentially the opposite of internalization, the opposite of negative internalization. This time we’re choosing to dwell on good memories and by doing this we internalize good feelings and internalize a better and more accurate self perception. Okay, dwelling and reliving negative experiences causes subconscious inadequacy. So dwell on and relive positive experiences to balance it out. Purposefully focus your attention on memories, when you were good enough. Any positive memories will do? The reason why this works better than positive affirmations is because internalization is about feelings, not thoughts. Just like externalization you can’t think your way around this. It’s about emotions. positive affirmations are unlikely to make you feel good. And you may even feel bad if you don’t truly believe what you’re saying. It’s also it’s also just quite silly, I think to stand there saying the same thing over and over again. It again, it’s about feelings and making you feel good. Memories are true, and there’s no doubt about them. They’re impossible to deny and the feelings are easier to access. Okay, toxic shame makes you dwell on bad memories more than Good ones. So basically even out, think of yourself in a time where you did well or a time where you felt pretty good about yourself and relive that experience. Replay that memory in your brain. Okay? The tendency to focus on the negative is what originally creates this downward spiral. So in order to reverse it, make sure to stop focusing on the negative and seek out more of the positive. This isn’t about trying to trick the brain, okay, it’s about creating a more accurate self image. Switch your beliefs about yourself not so that they are inaccurate not so that they are different beliefs, but so that they are are true, they more accurately represent you. Okay, that’s the purpose of positive internalization. It’s about balancing out the negative effects of negative internalization and increasing adding in some good feelings to
The purpose of externalization is to remove all the internalized subconscious inadequacy. As well as removing the bad feelings, we can also add some good feelings to the subconscious too, to balance it out. By intentionally internalizing positive feelings, which contradict feelings of inadequacy, you can reduce the subconscious inadequacy.
This is the basis behind positive affirmations. You may have come across people who advise standing in the mirror and exclaiming ‘I am beautiful’/’I am strong/’I am capable’/’I can do it’ etc. By repeating a certain phrase over and over again, you attempt to shift it from your conscious mind to your subconscious mind, so that it then drives your behaviours without you even thinking about it.
The purpose of positive affirmations is to attempt to reprogram the subconscious with supportive feelings. Even if it’s imaginary, it doesn’t matter. Subconscious inadequacy forms from imaginary scenarios. It is the imagination which leads you to believe that you are not good enough. It is the imagination which makes you feel worthless. The imagination also has the power to do the opposite – to make you feel good enough. Mental beliefs are so powerful that they matter as much as real things – and imagining positive situations can reverse subconscious inadequacy.
Positive affirmations are a weak way of doing this, in my opinion. They’re also a bit silly (to me), which doesn’t help you to believe what you’re saying. Furthermore, they may border on irrational. The most important part of internalization is that you believe it. Studies have shown that positive affirmations can actually be detrimental when you don’t believe them! It might work for some people, perhaps in addition to other things, but it’s not something I can personally vouch for, at least not in my experience. In order to internalize positive feelings, you must believe them, and exclaiming things that you don’t think are true is probably not the best way to do that.
A better technique is to intentionally seek positive memories which make you remember good parts of yourself, and replay them in your mind. By reliving those memories, and seeing yourself in that positive light, you help to internalize this more positive perception of yourself. It’s the opposite of the negative internalization we spoke about in stage 2, where we relive and dwell on painful memories which internalizes a sense of inadequacy. This time, we’re choosing to dwell on good ones. By doing this, we internalize good feelings, and internalize a better (and more accurate) self-perception.
The reason why this works better than affirmations is because internalization is about feelings, not thoughts. Just like externalization, you can’t think your way around this. It’s about emotions. Positive affirmations are unlikely to make you feel good. You may even feel bad if you don’t truly believe what you’re saying! Memories however are true, and there’s no doubt about them. They’re impossible to deny and the feelings are easier to access.
Toxic shame makes you dwell on bad memories more than good ones. So, even it out! Think of yourself in a time where you did well, or a time when you felt pretty good about yourself. Relive that experience. Replay that memory in your brain.
It is by this same mechanism that inadequacy can ruin someone’s life too. By believing you’re inadequate, it can easily lead to real life results that make you even more inadequate. For example, believing you’re not good enough for a certain job will make you settle for a lesser job, and have a worse career. Believing you’re not good enough to get good grades in school will stop you from trying as hard, and you literally won’t be as intelligent. Then, these consequences confirm and reinforce the belief, and the cycle repeats itself.
The tendency to focus on the negative is what originally creates this downwards spiral, so in order to reverse it, make sure to stop focussing on the negative, and seek out more of the positive. Switch your beliefs about yourself so they more accurately represent you.
As Dr Maxwell Maltz writes:
‘Yet what do most of us do? We destroy our self-confidence by remembering past failures and forgetting all about past successes. We not only remember failures, we impress them on our minds with emotion. We condemn ourselves. We flay ourselves with shame and remorse (both are highly egotistical, self-centered emotions). And self-confidence disappears.’ – Dr Maxwell Maltz, Psycho Cybernetics (1960)
Another technique is visualization. This involves creating a mental picture of yourself as you wish to be, imagining it in detail, feeling how it feels, and repeating this as necessary. For example, you may visualize the opposite sex being attracted to you, or visualize friends genuinely enjoying your presence, or your parents, or see yourself excelling in a social setting. Visualize in detail – what are you feeling? What are you doing? What are you saying? By doing this, you again internalize different concepts which are more positive. Most importantly, by seeing the situation first in your mind, you open your mind to the possibility of achieving it. It works best when relaxed, when you’re more open to this.
‘If you have been shy and timid, see yourself moving among people with ease and poise and feeling good because of it. If you have been fearful and anxious in certain situations, see yourself acting calmly and deliberately, acting with confidence and courage, and feeling expansive and confident because you are. This exercise builds new “memories” or stored data into your midbrain and central nervous system. It builds a new image of self. After practicing it for a time, you will be surprised to find yourself “acting differently,” more or less automatically and spontaneously, without trying. This is as it should be.’ Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics (1960)
Be careful not to become attached to expectations when doing this. Do not visualize results or outcomes; visualize the process. For example, you shouldn’t visualize friends expressing their appreciation of you, or being in positions of success or fame; rather, visualize doing the acts that get you there. Visualize the process without attachment to the results. Visualize with freedom from the outcome, otherwise attachment to expectations will bring you down.
Author(s) || Connor McGonigal
Website || howtostopbeingacuckold.com
Article || 4.7 Positive Internalization
Date || Between May 21st and June 2nd, 2019
contributors: ["Connor McGonigal"]