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willpower. And again, this is
mainly aimed at those who are

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struggling to give up porn.

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But also, we did speak about the
control and release. And if you

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want to, I mean willpower is
just a great thing to help you

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in all areas of life.

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So this section is really for
that I've got five key points

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that I want to make. And then
one technique, we're going to

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try and get through this as
quick as possible, it can be

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quite a big area, I'm just going
to teach you the main points you

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need to know I can give you
further reading. But if I teach

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you the main points, there's not
a lot of point doing that. So

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willpower, is perhaps the most
obvious challenge that we face,

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there will come a time when you
need to use a lot of willpower

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to achieve what you want.
Understanding science of

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willpower is definitely going to
help you in getting what you

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want in life. Firstly, willpower
is finite, you can run out of

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willpower, it doesn't last
forever, and you'll eventually

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use it all up. It's like a
muscle, it gets tired when you

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use it. And you will run out it
is finite. Secondly, it is

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depleted at the end of the day.
Why? Well, because of the first

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one, because it runs out. If
you've been using it up

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throughout the day, it is going
to run out. So the end of the

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day is a very vulnerable time,
really, you do have less

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willpower at the end of the day.
Because it gets tired, it runs

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out and you don't have any left.
Thirdly, willpower is recharged

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by sleep. That's why it's the
end of the day when it runs out.

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In the morning, you have loads
of willpower, you also really

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want to make sure that you're
getting a good night's sleep,

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because that's going to help
with your willpower, it's going

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to help recharge as much
willpower as you can. Next, well

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we've got to consider I mean,
we've talked about it getting

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tired and running out and then
recharging it. But what we

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really one is basically a bigger
muscle. Instead of using it and

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getting tired and us running out
of energy, we want to train the

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capacity to have more willpower.
And you can do that you can

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strengthen your willpower
instead of just depleting and

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recharging, you can actually
strengthen it in three ways.

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Those are meditation, exercise,
and just using willpower, using

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willpower itself does strength
and willpower. And the more

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willpower you use, basically,
the more you try, the better you

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get out to trying. So always try
your best. Exercise has been

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shown as long as not too much
exercise if you exercise three

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times a week, that's great for
willpower. And meditation I

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think I spoke about that in the
porn section increases impulse

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control. And it's great thing to
do for willpower. Last point

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here is willpower is affected by
blood glucose levels. When your

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blood sugar is low, you have
less willpower. What does this

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mean? Well, you can basically
have more willpower by eating

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regular small meals. Because
that's going to keep a more

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stable blood sugar level, it's
going to be less likely that

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you're going to have low blood
sugar. Choosing slower digesting

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carbohydrates, it's also going
to keep those levels stable and

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avoiding sugar. Of course, sugar
gives you a lot of blood

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glucose, which is actually
pretty good for willpower when

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it's there. But after you've
eaten the sugar, then it comes

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the crash. And when you have low
blood glucose levels, like I

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just said, you have less
willpower. So again, if you want

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to learn more, the book is The
Willpower Instinct, by Kelly

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McGonigal these are the main
points. There's two more

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actually, if you're tempted by
something, wait 10 minutes. She

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explains this quite a lot in her
book. But yeah, all you need to

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know is if you're tempted by
something, wait 10 minutes, the

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urge sometimes just passes in 10
minutes, you can decide again,

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if you can just wait 10 minutes,
you might actually not end up

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doing that thing. And lastly,
when faced with temptation, this

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is quite an interesting one.
Slow your breaths down to very

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long breaths. A few minutes of
slow breathing actually helps

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shift the body from a state of
stress to a state of kind of

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self control. So there you go.
There are some tips on willpower

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and now we're going to get to a
technique called surfing the

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urge. Oh urges are going to
happen. And you have to accept

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that our brains will crave the
good feelings. And at times when

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those cravings are the highest,
we can use various methods to

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deal with that. The most popular
method people use to deal with

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feelings that they don't want to
have is avoidance. They try to

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occupy their mind with something
else, they avoid it. They just

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brush it away and watch TV or
something. And it's a really,

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really bad method of dealing
with your feelings. Because it

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doesn't deal with them.
Distraction, denial, it doesn't

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work. When these urges happen,
all that all that does is it

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just shifts it until you do deal
with it, or until it just builds

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up so high that you have to act
on them. So in the Willpower

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Instinct, she teaches a method
called urge surfing. And this is

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how you deal with these urges.
The premise is simple,

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basically, all urges, all
feelings. And to an extent all

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thoughts are like waves on an
ocean, they rise up, they peak,

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and then they fall and pass. Any
urge or feeling you have will

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pass if we try to block this
wave will get knocked over, will

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get consumed by it, and it will
control us. So instead, we serve

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it. And this gives us control.
We do that by simply

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acknowledging what we're feeling
or craving. And really becoming

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fully consciously and presently
aware of the urge, we actually

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go into it instead of going away
from it. Feeling how it's

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affecting us maybe affects our
body in some way, maybe our

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heart rate speeds up, maybe it
leads to certain thoughts. So we

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become mindful of that we fully
experience whatever it is, and

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however it feels, we attend to
the experience rather than

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trying to escape it. And we
almost almost take a little

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mental step back to say, Okay,
I'm experiencing this feeling

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right now. And of course, we
should try to be well aware of

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the inner sense of inadequacy
that fuels the fetish, even

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though it's subconscious. And
well, by definition, impossible

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to be aware of, maybe there is
something that has triggered

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that we should try to become
aware of that too. Either way,

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we should simply fully
experience the craving, then we

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turn our attention to our
breath, we feel the sensation of

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the breath, wherever we can feel
it the most might be the tips of

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the nostrils, it might be the
rising and falling of the chest

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or the abdomen, we focus on that
might help to spend a minute on

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that feeling just fully focusing
on the breath. At some at this

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point, some people find it
helpful to imagine themselves

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breathing out the urge, letting
it go with every exhale. Either

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way, we then turn our attention
back to where we felt the

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original urge. And we notice it
and we attend to the experience

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and within a few minutes, we
will notice that just like a

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wave, the urge eventually falls
away. And by attending to it in

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this way, we kind of let go
without giving in. And in fact,

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it becomes very, very easy to
deal with urges using this

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method. I have a quote here, I
think this is from Kelly

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McGonigal or someone that
studied urge surfing, they say

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so you have to learn acceptance,
or recognition of what's going

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on, and a more mindful
perspective. Then you can write

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them out, you can let go without
giving in. So when you're

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tempted, just accept it, attend
to it, experience it, instead of

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avoiding it and distracting it.
That just means you've got to

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deal with it later. Deal with
it. As soon as you as soon as

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you feel it, experience it and
question it. And again, think of

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the trigger. Is it because of
your sex drive? Is it because of

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unmet needs? Is it an urge to
release toxic shame

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and don't avoid it. Having said
that, you do want to avoid

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getting the urge in the first
place. It's only when you

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already have the urge that you
want to go into it. Don't don't

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set your desktop background to
be porn, because that's not

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going to help anything. Keep
horn and everything related to

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porn completely out of sight, so
as not to trigger any urges. But

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once the urge has been
triggered, that's when avoidance

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is bad. And that's when we need
to just become aware of the

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urge. Take some time to
experience it. Then focus on our

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breath for a minute. Breathe
out, and then take our attention

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back to where we felt the urge.
And notice it just falling away.

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And that's search surfing