WEBVTT

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So now let's turn our attention
towards action. With this simple

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step of self connection, this is
the cure for disconnection that

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we just learn about. So remember
now is quite important to just

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continually connect this back to
the fetish. Because we've now

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strayed very far down from the
original purpose. And I wouldn't

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want you to forget what this is
all about. If we want to heal

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the fetish, we really need to
heal the cause of the fetish,

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which is the subconscious sense
of inadequacy. To do that we

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need to work our way up starting
at this disconnection from

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ourselves that we've just
learned about, it's so easy to

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get lost in all this psychology
and, and forget how this all

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fits together. And then it
becomes harder to stay

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motivated. So remember, the
Fetish is inadequacy, but it's

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subconscious inadequacy, which
is repeatedly strengthened by

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internalizing shame, leading to
disconnection with ourselves. So

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now, we've got to connect with
ourselves. It's the first step

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in the healing process. Now,
what does it mean to connect

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with ourselves? Really, it means
giving yourself time and

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attention, giving yourself
pleasure, and enjoyment. It's

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the work of listening to
yourself, which you do by

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monitoring your needs. Now,
there are many needs that you

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might have. But really, this is
just taking care of yourself,

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and finding out what you need,
and then taking the time to give

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that to yourself. So for me, I
used to be very attached to my

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work, I've said that before,
this was the outlet for my

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internal inadequacy. I believed
that if I worked hard and

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achieved lots, then I would,
then that would sort of

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counteract my internal shame.
And every moment that I spent

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working, I thought it was a
moment wasted. If I wasn't

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working, it's just a waste of
time. Therefore, it became

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really hard for me to actually
spend time on myself. Other

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people might have different
attachments, instead of work, it

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may be people or parenting or
your role in a community or a

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sort of subculture, it can be
very hard to take some time out

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to do what essentially feels
like nothing. Because these

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attachments are ways of dealing
with inadequacy, we develop the

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belief that we need to do them.
So try and see what happens when

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you take some time just for
yourself, just to relax. This is

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not mindless indulgence, though,
is taking care of yourself, by

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being attuned to what you need.
So if you listen to yourself,

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and if you feel tension and
stress, then maybe take some

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time to have a bath instead of
for me, it was work. That was my

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main attachment. And again, it
was very hard to actually take

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the time out because I thought
it was a waste of time. The guy

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with the nice guy stereotype
would think that if he's taking

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time for himself, when you know
there are other people that he

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could be helping or whatever,
then that's a waste of time. Or

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he might say it's selfish. But
this is just the process of self

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connection. And you need to go
through this, to really to, to

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give your needs the attention
they deserve. Because we've

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become so disconnected from our
needs, or disconnected from

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every part of ourself. The first
thing that we can connect with

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quite easily is what we need. So
try and do that. And it may be

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anything, maybe it might be
having a little nap. I mean,

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getting a good night's sleep is
very important. It might be

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playing or just goofing off, or
you know, listening to music,

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but just take the time to do the
things that you need to do for

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yourself. And it might be going
to the gym. Again, it's not

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mindless indulgence. You have to
be willing to delay

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gratification, so that something
else more conducive to your

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growth might take place. What
this means is if you feel oh, I

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need sweets I need I need lots
of calories and tasty food.

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Well, that's mindless indulgence
at that point. And that's not

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quite what you need. Again, it's
the work of thinking what is

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best for you. And what's best
for you might be it might be

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exercise. So take some time,
time off from all your

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attachments and whatever they
may be. Take some time I'm off

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to go for a walk and it's as
simple as that