So now let's turn our attention towards action. With this simple
step of self connection, this is the cure for disconnection that
we just learn about. So remember now is quite important to just
continually connect this back to the fetish. Because we've now
strayed very far down from the original purpose. And I wouldn't
want you to forget what this is all about. If we want to heal
the fetish, we really need to heal the cause of the fetish,
which is the subconscious sense of inadequacy. To do that we
need to work our way up starting at this disconnection from
ourselves that we've just learned about, it's so easy to
get lost in all this psychology and, and forget how this all
fits together. And then it becomes harder to stay
motivated. So remember, the Fetish is inadequacy, but it's
subconscious inadequacy, which is repeatedly strengthened by
internalizing shame, leading to disconnection with ourselves. So
now, we've got to connect with ourselves. It's the first step
in the healing process. Now, what does it mean to connect
with ourselves? Really, it means giving yourself time and
attention, giving yourself pleasure, and enjoyment. It's
the work of listening to yourself, which you do by
monitoring your needs. Now, there are many needs that you
might have. But really, this is just taking care of yourself,
and finding out what you need, and then taking the time to give
that to yourself. So for me, I used to be very attached to my
work, I've said that before, this was the outlet for my
internal inadequacy. I believed that if I worked hard and
achieved lots, then I would, then that would sort of
counteract my internal shame. And every moment that I spent
working, I thought it was a moment wasted. If I wasn't
working, it's just a waste of time. Therefore, it became
really hard for me to actually spend time on myself. Other
people might have different attachments, instead of work, it
may be people or parenting or your role in a community or a
sort of subculture, it can be very hard to take some time out
to do what essentially feels like nothing. Because these
attachments are ways of dealing with inadequacy, we develop the
belief that we need to do them. So try and see what happens when
you take some time just for yourself, just to relax. This is
not mindless indulgence, though, is taking care of yourself, by
being attuned to what you need. So if you listen to yourself,
and if you feel tension and stress, then maybe take some
time to have a bath instead of for me, it was work. That was my
main attachment. And again, it was very hard to actually take
the time out because I thought it was a waste of time. The guy
with the nice guy stereotype would think that if he's taking
time for himself, when you know there are other people that he
could be helping or whatever, then that's a waste of time. Or
he might say it's selfish. But this is just the process of self
connection. And you need to go through this, to really to, to
give your needs the attention they deserve. Because we've
become so disconnected from our needs, or disconnected from
every part of ourself. The first thing that we can connect with
quite easily is what we need. So try and do that. And it may be
anything, maybe it might be having a little nap. I mean,
getting a good night's sleep is very important. It might be
playing or just goofing off, or you know, listening to music,
but just take the time to do the things that you need to do for
yourself. And it might be going to the gym. Again, it's not
mindless indulgence. You have to be willing to delay
gratification, so that something else more conducive to your
growth might take place. What this means is if you feel oh, I
need sweets I need I need lots of calories and tasty food.
Well, that's mindless indulgence at that point. And that's not
quite what you need. Again, it's the work of thinking what is
best for you. And what's best for you might be it might be
exercise. So take some time, time off from all your
attachments and whatever they may be. Take some time I'm off
to go for a walk and it's as simple as that