So now that we've established that the cause of the Fetish is
turning a subconscious perception that you're
inadequate into sexual pleasure, and that by healing this deep
rooted feeling, the Fetish just goes away, it becomes no longer
pleasurable. So what's the simplest way to heal this? Maybe
you have no reason to feel inadequate. Maybe you have a
pretty good life. Maybe women like you, maybe you're very
intelligent, or you're a really nice person or you're talented
or whatever. It doesn't matter. Because this fetish comes from
the perception of inadequacy, not actual inadequacy, it
doesn't matter how good your life is, or how far from being
inadequate you are. All that matters is this subconscious
feeling. And often for the reasons that we'll see in the
entire course, this subconscious feeling of inadequacy isn't
logical. It isn't based on reality, it doesn't make sense,
you can be a great person, but still have a lot of perceived
inadequacy. Similarly, you can be an awful person and not have
any perceived inadequacy, the amount of perceived inadequacy
that you have is not connected to how inadequate you really
are. And it's this feeling this perception of inadequacy that
causes the fetish. So this is the advice that some people
naturally jump to. What some people automatically assume is
that by improving themselves by going to the gym by earning lots
of money, or by improving their career, or by absorbing more
knowledge and becoming even more intelligent, or relentlessly
pursuing self development in some way, they assume that these
things will make them feel better, that their feeling of
not being good enough can be healed by becoming good enough.
And this isn't what happens. Because this feeling of
inadequacy isn't based on reality, the amount of perceived
inadequacy you have is not connected to how inadequate you
really are. So what if you actually aren't good enough?
Maybe you're a piece of crap, maybe you have an awful life and
a lot wrong with you. Maybe you're really fat and mean with
an awful career and just nothing good about you. Maybe you have
an awful personality, and no women like you, maybe you simply
are inadequate? Well, again, the Fetish is the erotic association
of perceived inadequacy. That means it doesn't matter how
awful your life is, or how good your life is. It only matters
how you subconsciously feel. There are people really at the
bottom of the barrel who feel pretty good about themselves.
And there are people at the top of life who still feel like they
need to do better. It doesn't matter how many things you have
wrong with you, or how many things you have going for you.
All that matters when it comes to this fetish is how you feel
about that. And weirdly, this subconscious feeling of
inadequacy can influence your real life, it can stop you from
achieving what you want in life because you don't feel good
enough. It can make you turn to alcohol or even drugs, in some
cases to numb your negative feelings about yourself and
provide a temporary relief. Or we might stuff ourselves full of
food to feel bad, feel better. And this feeling can make us
socially anxious or susceptible to depression. Or if we don't
feel good enough, we can very easily become addicted to porn
as it gives a temporary good feeling. This subconscious
inadequacy can actually affect your real life in a negative
way, making you an underachiever or alcoholic or fat or socially
awkward or addicted to porn or a number of ways in which you
actually are more inadequate. So this subconscious inadequacy can
cause your real life to get worse. And if you feel that some
aspects of your life are bad or inadequate, it's almost
certainly the subconscious feeling. That's the real
problem, because that's probably what's caused it. So it doesn't
matter who you are, or how bad you think some parts of your
life is. It's this subconscious feeling. That's the problem.
That's what's wrong. So if you try and solve this problem by
improving your life, it won't solve this problem. Going to the
gym, becoming rich and successful, improving your
social skills or whatever all of these things will improve you,
but that doesn't matter. They won't necessarily change how
inadequate you feel. And the funny thing is, is that you can
never be good enough, because enough changes depending on how
you judge that. Usually as soon as you improve, you'll just
become aware of more ways to improve. I mean inadequacy is
relative. It's relative to how you judge that an improvement
never ends. And I'm just saying this because this is the trap
that a lot of people naturally fall into. They think that by
proving their real lives, they'll sometimes somehow feel
better. Or they think that they can't feel better because they
have an awful real life and it's just not true. These things
aren't connected. You can never improve yourself to a point
where you are good enough, because it's not connected
improvement doesn't heal subconscious inadequacy. That's
not to say you shouldn't improve. Of course, improvement
is great thing to do. But if you want to heal the subconscious
inadequacy, you don't get that through improvement. Sure,
improve yourself, but not to heal this subconscious
inadequacy. Because your real life and how inadequate you
really are is not connected to how inadequate you feel. Now,
there is one exception to that, which is shame. Shame is an
emotion which tells you that something is wrong. Shame tells
you that you need to be doing something different. That's why
we have it, it's actually very useful, and shame will make you
feel inadequate. In fact, in a lot of the books about this
subconscious inadequacy, they refer to it as toxic shame
sometimes, which is an interesting way of looking at
it. It just means shame about yourself, not for any real
reason, just general shame about who you are. That's just another
way of saying subconscious inadequacy, right? Not feeling
good enough is like having toxic shame about yourself. So toxic
shame is subconscious inadequacy. That's what we talk
about in stage two of the course. But this shame is what
can cause the problem in the first place because it can be
internalized. It can be stuffed down into the subconscious and
it can stop being a healthy human feeling. And it can start
to become this toxic shame this state of being this state of
thinking that you are all feeling subconsciously that you
are inadequate. So shame is the exception. Although I've spent a
good five minutes explaining why improvement doesn't change how
you feel it does in any part of your life where you feel shame.
So don't ignore the shame and do improve on areas where you feel
shame. So let's turn our attention to action. Now. You
probably want results right away. Firstly, we need to heal
the core of the problem, which is, as we've just established is
this subconscious inadequacy. And, as I've just said, you heal
this not by changing your life. But by realizing this, this
sense that you are not inadequate, you heal, you heal
this subconscious feeling. But before we get there, we need to
actually prevent it from getting worse. Because this is what
happens all the time, more shame becomes internalized. There are
things that create this sense of inadequacy over and over again,
we need to actually prevent it from getting worse, before we
can get it better. So that's what we're going to start by
doing. And this is another interesting thing, porn can
cause this problem, or it can be the thing that pushes you down
this path, almost the trigger for this fetish. So the first
thing that you're going to need to do to heal this is to try to
stop watching porn. Masturbation is normal and fine and healthy.
So do that just don't watch porn. As I explained in the
conditioning section, there is a link in your brain between
arousal and this fetish. And every time you watch porn, that
link is strengthened. So you don't want to do that. Just stop
watching porn.
To heal the core. Now this is a bit weird to talk to someone
you'd like to talk to more. The reason behind this, basically,
in our lives, we have people that we really like and we
really respect. But for some reason, we don't talk to them,
you may have old friends that have kind of drifted away and
you've lost contact with them. You may have people that you
really like and want to talk to you more, but just don't. And
sometimes the reason for this is that we can think that they
don't want to talk to us, we can think it would be weird to talk
to them or basically that we're not good enough. That's where
this sense comes from. And if you feel like you have that in
any any areas of your life, then the first thing you can do, just
to take a very simple step towards healing this is just do
it anyway, just to talk to someone that you'd like to talk
to you more. Maybe that means getting in touch with a friend
from your past that you've lost touch with. Maybe it means
talking to a work colleague that you don't talk too much,
whatever. If you can identify anyone in your life that you
actually would like to talk to more then this is just going to
bring this sense that you are good enough into real life very
quickly and very simply and it is something that you can take
action on right now. The other thing that is that you can do to
heal both these things the core and the cause. You can take five
minutes in silence, just to focus on yourself. One of the
things that happens as a result of this sense of subconscious
inadequacy is that we can become disconnected from ourselves.
This is quite a complex topic, and I obviously do talk a lot
about that in this course. But when you become disconnected
from yourself, you can lose an awareness of what's going on in
your body. So, the first thing you can do to heal this right
away is to reconnect with yourself and ask yourself okay,
right now, are you hot or cold? Are you tired? Or energized? Are
you stressed? Is there any tension in your body?
Are you hungry, or thirsty? Connecting with yourself is one
way to heal inadequacy. Are you bored? Probably I've been
talking for quite a while. Let's get on to the next stage. See
you