This page was last modified: September 17th, 2023

20/20 #^֎

I was thinking about my father today, visitor. It wasn’t my intention but I began to recall moments (and ways) that I feel he let me down. I won’t waste your time with them; I’ve no doubt there are a countless number of people that could unquestioningly prove to you that their parent(s) failed them.

In my opinion, I was blessed with incredible parents. To nitpick, as I let my mind do today, is unfair; possibly to an insulting degree. Mind you, I’m not taking any of it back, but know that, if I could, I’d pick them over and over again, every single life.

Still, one can’t help but wonder: “What If…?” Or at least I can’t help it. And that led me to reason the following, reader: If even a “grateful” child (like me) can feel disappointed in their parent(s), what hope do I have as a father?

Absolutely None #^֎

So, rather than a post of me b—ing and moaning about my daddy issues, I thought it’d be more interesting to kind-of turn that on its head. I.e. this write-up is now a prediction on how exactly I f— up / screw over my imaginary, future progeny:

• I’m sorry I raised you in the city. You should’ve had space to play, and nature to explore.

• I’m sorry your mother and I divorced; there was no way I got it right.

• I’m sorry I didn’t make you independent or responsible enough for adulthood.

• I’m sorry you’re stupid. My b, yo.

• I’m sorry I wasn’t serious enough. I tend to consider a lot of things not very important, so I probably let too much slide. I probably justified it as “choosing my battles”, but I bet I was just lazy and instead made you feel like things that should’ve mattered, didn’t.

• I’m sorry I didn’t drink or do drugs, and how it 100% guaranteed that you would. I’m sorry that I failed you in your fight against your addiction(s). Please find help and/or Jesus.

• I’m sorry I discouraged your nerdy tendencies. I thought you’d be better off touching as much grass as possible. I should’ve taught you how to find balance, rather than suppress potentially problematic parts of yourself.

• Sorry I made you too distrustful and wary of women, Timmy. Rather than scare you, I should’ve helped you become a man who wouldn’t consider them such a big deal. Please disregard if gay. Also: the opposite goes for you, Crystal.

• I’m sorry I didn’t have more answers.

Half Full #^֎

Was this too sad, or weird? Oh well. 🤷‍♀️ Too late now. It’d be fun to find out how “on the money” I am. Honestly, imo, I definitely could’ve done you worse; quit your wailing! Also I am allowed to tweak this right up until you (if ever) become reality.

You know… We are so much more than our parent(s). At the end of the day, we turn out how we do in spite of them, for better and for worse…

I believe in ya, kid. You got this.

Contributors: Mom and Dad, Aral^֎

This blog post is part of Agora Road Travelogue - Sep [#1^֎ & #2]. A project attempting to encourage individuals to both write and exercise ownership over their content.

Comments Section #^֎