foreverliketh.is

This page was last modified: October 3rd, 2024

This post is part of…

IndieWeb Carnival: A project helping motivate people to write more on their personal websites. This month’s host is starbreaker, and the topic was ‘Power Underneath Despair: In your darkest hour, what saved you? What helped you find the strength to carry on?’.
Agora Road Travelogue - Oct: A project attempting to encourage individuals to both write and exercise ownership over their content.

Forged A Different Man

When I was a kid, my mother would sometimes guilt me into eating her food by reminding me of “the starving children in Africa”. While a great way to invalidate another’s feeling(s), apparently this is also known as the fallacy of relative privation. It can be summarized as: “if something isn’t the worst thing happening, it doesn’t matter.”

In the short story ‘I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream’, the main characters are subjected to torture so absurd, it gives Dante’s Inferno a run for its money. More than Lovecraft’s indescribable horrors, AM, the story’s antagonist, is what comes to my mind whenever I think of “the worst thing”.

But the truth is, stranger, that we need not be “Starvin’ Marvins”, nor an eternally abused soul, for our struggles to matter. And while we must prioritize them at times, to downplay life’s interconnectedness would be rash; some problems are simply the byproduct of others.

Lord knows there’s no shortage of them either. For even their “solutions” can birth new ones! And each possessing their own uniquely distinct properties… Traveler, I know not the particular colors of the demons you face, nor the means by which to vanquish them. All you’ll find here, is a bit about mine…

I. Scarlet Eyes

In Spanish, we have the saying ‘Para rebajar: La venganza’. In English it’d be ‘To lose weight: Vengeance’. It jokes with the potentially transformative power of Hate. HATE. H-A-T-E!; no “diet” compares. This 1st “salvation” arose from exactly that: an incredibly intense, unilateral desire to prove someone wrong. A symbolic ‘🖕Fuck You🖕’, if you will.

That “fury”… it lit within me a determination I don’t imagine one develops easily otherwise. But that expediency, that focus, it comes at a price. With it, yes, you are more likely to reach your goal, but beware its blindness. For it is not just the things that we do, but also how we do them. Still, when you’re at “rock-bottom”… Climbing the mountain, no matter how clumsily, how inconsiderately, it can do one good.

Sometimes, I’ll even wish I could tap into that energy at will. And not just for myself either… Every now and again, I’ll gaze into a student’s dull eyes and wonder: “Would their spite truly be as bad in comparison?”. I fantasize telling them that even IF they cared, they COULDN’T. That they will NEVER measure up! NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING! It’s a win-win, don’t you think, visitor? Either I’m right, or they’ll “send me a postcard”.

II. 道 Harmony ☯

Now the worst thing that came of making anger my foundation, happened at the end, when my passion subsided; and I was finally alone with that which I so desperately wanted. There I was “at the peak of the mountain”, and…

~ This is it? This is what I had turned into obsession? This was supposed to “complete me”? Why don’t I feel different? No. Worse… I FEEL HOLLOW, EMPTY! NOW NOT EVEN MY WRATH SUSTAINS ME. Where is the peace? This was supposed to make me content… If I don’t feel fulfilled… WHAT DID I DO ALL OF THAT FOR? For… nothing? Was there not… a point? If this couldn’t make me happy, COULD NOTHING? Why… should I do anything, then? To feel this? Until I… die? Why bother waiting? ~

As melodramatic / cliche / ironic as that sounds, it’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to suicide. Part of the reason I started this website was to share assorted texts that reeled me back from that edge (pun intended):

I really shouldn’t, but for the sake of the post, I’ll, pathetically, attempt to distill the relevant advice: “The destination ain’t the only thing that matters, yo.”

III. c̷͕̊Â̶͎l̵͈̀l̶͈͆ ̵̡̚m̸̮͋E̶͓̔ ̵̺̓m̷̪͝â̶͓Ý̷̳B̸̻̌Ȩ̵̒

And what did I do with that lesson, reader? Squander it, of course! Rather than depart for my next adventure, I meandered, directionless. Lying to myself that I was just “Enjoying the journey. T’was my original mistake after all, was it not?” But in truth, I’d become complacent, satiated by both the pride of my triumph, and that the despair I once felt, was now gone.

I became static, idle, lazy; hands ripe for the Devil’s play. I succame to all manner of inclination: primal, hedonistic, conditioned. And instead of addressing these urges, I dismissed them, ignored them, banished them. But “victory” via exile is an illusion; for I had done nothing, CONQUERED NOTHING. Worse! I had repressed them! Hidden them away… Allowed them to fester and mutate in the windowless halls of my mind.

I’d neglected myself: My values, my character, my traumas, my dreams. And now there was so much to rebuild, to work-on; and naught a drop of rage in-sight. This time around, there would be no excuse for, nor distraction from, my stumbles, my imperfections, my failings. No innate well of strength, motivation, or purpose from which to draw from. Only the cursed wisdom that I’d sooner kill myself than ever stagnate again.

♫ With A Little Help From My Friends ♫

Throughout all of this, I have purposely left-out that I, honestly, would never have made it this far by myself. I have not stood on the shoulders of giants, homie, Titans have, literally, nursed me. I have been blessed by messengers that a fool could understand. By divers, willing to submerse themselves in the darkest of caves, JUST to guide lost, unworthy husks into the light. Blessed by parents incomparable. By the greatest source of collective knowledge in human history AT. MY. FINGERTIPS!

And I STILL suck at this shid.

BUT… if I only had one message to try to convey to another (voluntarily) staring at the abyss. I guess it’d be:

Are you… Moving? Doing? Developing? Seeking? Learning? Tending? Striving? GROWING? L-I-V-I-N-G? Your beating heart alone, does not qualify… Success / Failure, either one will do… Balance is unachievable; there is only balance-ING.

Or are you… like me?

Contributors: Salvation | Oasis (band) –> Noel Gallagher –> Live Forever [#1 & #2] –> Justin Roiland & Dan Harmon –> Rick and Morty –> Heather Anne Campbell –> That’s Amorte | George R. R. Martin –> A Song of Ice and Fire –> Game of Thrones –> Fire & Blood –> House of the Dragon –> Paddy Considine –> Viserys I Targaryen | List of fallacies | Harlan Ellison –> I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream (video game) –> René Descartes –> Cogito, ergo sum | Dante Alighieri –> The Divine Comedy –> Inferno | H. P. Lovecraft | Trey Parker & Matt Stone –> South Park –> Starvin’ Marvin | Yoshihiro Togashi –> Hunter × Hunter –> Kurapika | Tommy Torres –> 12 Historias –> Corazón Roto | Bridgit Mendler –> Hello My Name Is… | Laozi | Devon Hendryx / JPEGMafia –> The Ghost~Pop Tape | The Beatles –> Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band –> Ringo Starr –> With a Little Help from My Friends | Friedrich Nietzsche | David Jaffe –> God of War –> Terrence C. Carson –> Kratos | Hank Williams –> I Saw the Light [#1 & #2]

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IndieWeb h-entry

Salvations

Published by foreverliketh.is on 3^rd October 2024

♫ Maybe you're the same as me ♫

Forged A Different Man

Salvations

VHS to Digital

Sat, 17 Aug 2024 23:50:00 +0000

Image Details & Source

Noise (commonly known as static, white noise, static noise, or snow) captured from my personal recordings.

This page was last modified: August 21st, 2024

This post is part of…

32bit.cafe Community Code Jam #5: With a “Back to School” theme, the 32bit.cafe is accepting submissions on the topic of ‘help school others in topics we’re interested in!’.
IndieWeb Carnival: A project helping motivate people to write more on their personal websites. This month’s host is Steve Ledlow, and the topic was ‘Rituals’.
Agora Road Travelogue - Aug: A project attempting to encourage individuals to both write and exercise ownership over their content.

Por Amor / For Love

Do you know what VHS really stands for, traveler? It’s: “Various Hurdles and Suffering”. That ain’t no contemporary definition neither. My father recently spoke to me of his experience with his home video collection from the late 70s / early 80s. He dealt with a big move and, alongside the business of everyday life, had ended up leaving the tapes unattended for over a year. When he finally returned to them, he tried to play each one to no avail. To his surprise, they’d been covered in mold and when he took the matter to a repair shop they told him he’d lost everything, including the player, and that he should throw it all away; out of concern for his, and his family’s, health. Naturally, the loss of mementos such as, but not limited to: tenderly captured fragments of my brothers’ childhoods, lead to considerable sadness.

Papa, for the most part, gave up on VHS after that. Mama, on the other hand, never did. She’d go through the trouble of converting some things to various formats throughout the decades, but would still wind up with an assortment of tapes in this year of our Lord: 2024. Neither of my parents has ever been “techie”, and time’s arrow has done my mother’s collection no favors…

I can barely recall the memories of even seeing a VCR in-person.
How protected, and resistant, even were her tapes?
Are they even worth the hassle?

Mom certainly thought they were; you should’ve seen how her face lit up when I first brought up the idea of converting them. Of course, I wasn’t much against it myself; and not for an abundance of ignorance, mind you, I knew I was signing up for more than just headaches. But, well…

“The magic of old must be preserved. No matter how feared.”

“I will take the Ring. Though…"

It truly is a shame, the times we live in, stranger. Where a person is more likely to watch (and accept!) the first video YouTube excretes from its algorithmic anus, than to do any of there own godforsaken research on a topic. I mean, why bother, right? Not when Linus Tech Tips has you covered: ‘I Thought My Childhood was LOST’. Or maybe you think yourself more of a “connaisseur” and prefer this controversial 2-parter: ‘The Best Easy Way to Capture Analog Video (it’s a little weird)’, followed by (on their second channel!) ‘Analog Video Capture follow-up’. Beware the grifters, for their intentions are not aligned with yours. They want to produce over-rushed CON-tent, with minimal effort, for their profit, at your irrelevant expense.

Am I saying YouTube can’t be useful? No, in fact, here’s a great video that summarizes many hours of research in a wonderfully thorough package: ‘VHS to digital: best method for analog-to-digital transfers’ by Video Capture Guide. And it ain’t just a one-off, the entire channel is worth watching. But this is clearly selfless work (508 subscribers, at time of writing); an exception, not the rule. And even then, it’s not without flaws. This is definitely a project where videos should be your launching pad.

In other words, I strongly advise A LOT of reading. To start: The Digital FAQ.com is an invaluable repository of information. Lead by the most fearsome entity in this community: lordsmurf. This person, for various reasons, is worthy of your attention; even if solely for their sheer commitment to the cause. But as much as we seek authority, I believe it worthwhile to acknowledge criticism in hopes of realizing more tempered perceptions:

It’s Complicated

We’re talking about an issue that involves:

Priceless memories, along with the heated emotions they invoke
Capitalistic greed
A convenience worshipping public
Technology long past its prime
And plenty of opinions

Naïveté is a pity, but I too cannot blame the more enlightened for bearing witness to this circus and deciding: “Y’know what? Nah.” Especially when it can feel like a race against the clock. For how long have those tapes been neglected? How much life, if any, might they have yet to give? There are certainly no shortage of vultures (scammers) whose marketing preys on such fears: Legacybox, among others. They undoubtedly benefit from inciting your rush, from you not “peeking behind their curtain”.

To speak plainly: be patiently studious. Yes, you probably should’ve done this ~10 (~20?) years ago, but panicking now ain’t gonna solve nothin’. Especially if your tackling this as I did, with absolutely zero knowledge on the subject. Taking the time to get the lay of the land will pay off in spades. Even if you ultimately decide not to do this yourself, you will assuredly have developed some discernment / assessment ability. Which you’ll need… lotta shifty folk in these waters, sadly.

Heh, and it ain’t just the charlatans who’ll be a pain in your neck. On the other end of this spectrum are the ‘perfectionists’. Those who will always be lingering about to ensure your efforts feel… “inadequate”. To satiate them comes at a price I do not suggest you pay, for a reward I do not suggest you seek. Not that these greybeards shouldn’t be cherished, mind you; particularly in contrast to their antithesis. I’d just advise that you frame them as a sort-of “aim for the moon, land among the stars” situation. And, maybe also, consider finding humor at your own inability to please either side; that’s what I did at least.

Capturing Essence

Perspective can make all the difference, reader. Instead of thinking “I should’ve done this a long time ago.”, consider “In doing this now, I am blessed that an abundance of knowledge and advice has been explored, amassed and curated.” Likewise, instead of nitpicking at the imperfections of the medium or your transfers, consider that those very flaws imbue your work with soul; with something that, in our modern culture, is seemingly being sought after.

The prevalence of retro / nostalgic aesthetics, like Vaporwave or Analog Horror, demonstrate interest and appreciation for VHS’ heyday. And while my more cynical half acknowledges humanity’s eternal longing for the past, I can’t help but concur with the notion that (too) much has been lost in our “ascension to digital”.

One such casualty is the ritualistic nature of these vintage mediums. Their involved tactile interactions, the processes culminating in the organizing of something as sacred as “movie night”, the innate socialization surrounding the entire tradition. For god’s sakes, even its struggles impart a friction that our modern sensibilities now wholeheartedly reject.

I dove headfirst into this nonsense with the express purpose of finally being free of this archaic burden… But I came out with a deep respect, understanding and reverence for something I myself had been culturally psy-oped to look down on. If you let it, this is a journey that can go far beyond its initial premise, to provide value independent of the fruits of your labour…

Mom & Dad's Wedding Kiss

Though, those sure are sweet too, yo…

Cutting Room Floor

Without mistakes (and better circumstances), this project could’ve cost me less than $1k USD. But I rushed at the start, and it cost me another $1k USD. Don’t be like me: DON’T RUSH.
Hardware I Used:
- JVC HR-S7500U
- Old (i.e. runs Windows XP natively) Dell Desktop
- I-O Data GV-USB2

Contributors: Mom & Dad | Japan Victor Company (JVC) | Tommy Torres –> Tarde o temprano | BioWare –> Dragon Age –> Dragon Age: Origins –> Morrigan | J. R. R. Tolkien –> The Lord of the Rings –> Frodo Baggins | Technology Connections | CozyBroz / cozynet.org | Aaron Swartz –> reddit –> Lemmy | Bill Gates –> Microsoft –> Michael Dell –> Dell –> Windows XP –> zone94.com –> Windows XP Integral Edition | Agora Road’s Macintosh Cafe | Nightmind –> Alex Hera –> The History of Analog Horror

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IndieWeb h-entry

VHS to Digital

Published by foreverliketh.is on 17^th August 2024

Analog Artifacts

Por Amor / For Love

VHS to Digital

Old man battles with giant blue marlin from his canoe. Made famous from Hemmingway’s Old man and the sea by Carey Chen via Pixels.

On the Fish in the Sea

Thu, 02 May 2024 14:00:00 +0000

Image Details & Source

This page was last modified: May 3rd, 2024

This post is part of…

IndieWeb Carnival: A project helping motivate people to write more on their personal websites. This month’s host is Aaron Leonard / RisingThumb, and the topic was “Good Enough” - the Drop in Quality’s Siren call [#1 & #2]
Agora Road Travelogue - May: A project attempting to encourage individuals to both write and exercise ownership over their content.

Como Tu Decías / Like You Used To Say

Lately, I’ve been thinking about relationships. Probably cause I’ve been seeing this girl. But it ain’t just “romance” I’ve been contemplatin’: family, friends, coworkers, internet folk, the whole kebab, really. But dating (& marriage) is a good jumping-off point for where I wanna take things today.

Courtship is a pretty high-stakes affair. I mean, we shouldn’t be hard on ourselves for our families, right? We sure as hell didn’t pick ’em after all; and alternatives are practically non-existent as a kid. No, family’s just the hand we were dealt. But our lovers? Those are (mostly) on us, yo.

Commitment comes with many a penalty: risk, sacrifice, rigidity; just to name a few. It ain’t a trade to take lightly; I certainly don’t… We want to get it right, we NEED to get it right: The ideal match… And now, more than ever, there’s no shortage of potential partners. “The world is our oyster”, traveler. Naturally then, is it not our fault when we fail to find its pearl?

I Never Knew You

Or at least, that’s one story I imagine the Online “Dating” Market, $3.15 billion in 2024, is selling people. Jesus Christ, HOW btw?! Their profit literally DEPENDS on keeping their customers utilizing the service! Isn’t that more obvious than a pyramid scheme??? But, yea: ♫ Just keep swiping. Just keep swiping. Just keep swiping, swiping, swiping. ♫

Veritasium recently posted a (unsurprisingly) great video on the 37% rule / marriage problem / optimal stopping. Can’t recommend it enough. Though, I’d say that’s the absolute maximum (if not a bit over) amount of logic, math and, most certainly, “tech”, that I’d inject into the endeavor. Also, I like to pretend that, if it weren’t for “muh industrial society”, I wouldn’t need this sh*t spelled out for me via a got dam YouTube video. Lol, as my guest, you’re welcome to that cope if you need it too, visitor.

Anyways, do you see where we’re going yet? There IS NO PEARL for us to find. The world ISN’T our oyster. WE’RE THE OYSTERS! We fugging MAKE the pearls. You and I could spend 20 lifetimes swiping our 400 fingers away and I GUARANTEE YOU the best we’ll ever get is Mrs. Krabs! It’s in the commitment, the penalties, the risks, the sacrifices… where the treasure we seek is formed.

Perfect Places

And that holds true for more than just our love quests, stranger. Acquaintances and friends, family (if you’re lucky), coworkers (careful with those). But also: Our hometowns, our cultures, our histories. When we treat these things as replaceable, rejecting others for benign opinions or trivialities, selling-out our lands and customs for modern opportunities / conveniences / values / homogeny, we betray ourselves. It’s behavior no different than that of our corporate overlords.

So beware, prospective sailor. Despite what our current age would have us believe, its ‘unparalleled choice’ isn’t a life raft; it’s an anchor—a manufactured hindrance, chaining our ships to harbor. It preys on our own fears of the voyage to come, taunting us with assurances that exist solely on the shore, tempting us to turn back at the first sign of discomfort. But overcome we must, for it is only in the ocean’s profundity where our incomparable bonds can be forged to their rightful depths.

Contributors: Ernest Hemingway –> The Old Man and the Sea [#1 & #2] | Message in a bottle | Tommy Torres –> Mar Adentro –> El Playlist de Anoche | John Bowlby –> Attachment theory | William Shakespeare –> The Merry Wives of Windsor [#1 & #2] | Jason Mraz –> Love Is a Four Letter Word | Timeline of online dating –> Online dating –> Plenty of Fish –> Match Group –> Greg Rosalsky | Finding Nemo | Franz Thomas Bruss –> Derek Muller –> Veritasium –> What The Ultimate Study On Happiness Reveals –> What Game Theory Reveals About Life, The Universe, and Everything | Ted Kaczynski –> sizeof.cat | Stephen Hillenburg –> SpongeBob SquarePants –> Mr. Krabs / Clancy Brown –> Pearl Krabs / Lori Alan | Lorde –> Melodrama | Hans Christian Andersen –> The Little Mermaid –> The Little Mermaid (1989 film) –> Alan Menken + Howard Ashman + Samuel E. Wright –> Under the Sea [#1 & #2] –> Kiss the Girl [#1 & #2] | George R. R. Martin –> A Song of Ice and Fire –> Game of Thrones –> Fire & Blood –> House of the Dragon –> Matt Smith –> Daemon Targaryen | Kintsugi

Syndication: 32-Bit Cafe | Agora Road | basement community | IndieNews | Mastodon

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IndieWeb h-entry

On the Fish in the Sea

Published by foreverliketh.is on 2^nd May 2024

Message in a bottle

Como Tu Decías / Like You Used To Say

On the Fish in the Sea

32-Bit Cafe | Agora Road | basement community | IndieNews | Mastodon

toddler’s standing in front of beige concrete stair by Jukan Tateisi on Unsplash

Walk the Way

Mon, 25 Mar 2024 12:00:00 +0000

Image Details & Source

This page was last modified: March 25th, 2024

This post is part of…

IndieWeb Carnival: A project helping motivate people to write more on their personal websites. This month’s host is basement community, and the topic was ‘Accessibility in the Personal Web’.
32bit.cafe Community Code Jam #3: In celebration of its one-year anniversary, the 32bit.cafe is accepting submissions on the topic of ‘what has creating a website done for you?’.
Agora Road Travelogue - Mar: A project attempting to encourage individuals to both write and exercise ownership over their content.

Finally, this post is Part 3 in my series on: The Personal Web [#1 & #2]

The Paradox of Choice

Whether your desire to make a personal website comes from exploration and inspiration, or innate motivation, eventually, rubber’s gonna have to meet the road. Unfortunately, when you finally do commit to the endeavour, you’re gonna be forced to make A LOT of decisions. Decisions surrounding questions you (possibly) didn’t even know existed, and each one with a cacophony of potential answers.

Monsters such as analysis paralysis, perfectionism and regret can rear their ugly heads and overwhelm us in these kinds of situations. Make us wish we had tools like spice, or maybe a time machine, to fight them with. Anything to ward off feelings of frustration, anxiety or failure.

But, in the time I’ve spent creating this website, I’ve been reminded, again and again, of the wisdom in facing those very fears head-on. Of the beauty in trying, and stumbling, and falling and getting back up. Of the value in embracing adversity, in wearing your inadequacies earnestly and learning from them.

I Wan’na Be Like You

Not to say that you have to figure everything out by yourself! Here are some strategies that I think are general enough to serve you as well as they’ve served me:

- Give yourself deadlines.

Whether you’re researching a question that’s got WAY too many answers, or trying to push out a blog post, having a time limit can do wonders for that ‘Just Do It’ energy.

- Find a role-model.

Or 2, or 3! A “mentor” doesn’t even have to be the person themself, it could just be their site. Webmasters L-O-V-E to talk about how they built their site, or, at the very least, they usually provide a way to contact them.

- Forest for the trees.

There’s A TON to learn in web development. So much, that sometimes I feel it’s too easy to get stuck in the weeds. For example: Topics like accessibility, while meaning well, can sometimes be too much for a budding webkeeper to handle. It’s valuable to remember that: There’s nothing less accessible than your site not existing in the first place.

~ ~ ~

While I wish creating a personal website was easier, the experience is a journey, NOT a destination. A website that is loved will never be finished. There’s fulfillment in the challenging, in doing ’things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard’.

Or, as a friend of mine might put it: ‘Suffer the pains, not the chains’.

Contributors: Taoism | Rumi | Tarzan of the Apes [#1 & #2] –> Tarzan (1999 film) –> Phil Collins –> Son of Man (song) [#1 & #2] | Barry Schwartz –> The Paradox of Choice | Frank Herbert –> Dune | Devon Avery –> One-Minute Time Machine | David Bayles & Ted Orland –> Art & Fear: Observations On the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking | The Jungle Book [#1 & #2] –> The Jungle Book (1967 film) –> Louis Prima –> I Wan’na Be Like You (The Monkey Song) | Nike –> Just Do It –> Shia LaBeouf | John F. Kennedy –> We choose to go to the Moon | Theodore Roosevelt –> Citizenship in a Republic / The Man in the Arena | Aaron Leonard

Syndication: 32-Bit Cafe | Agora Road | basement community

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IndieWeb h-entry

Walk the Way

Published by foreverliketh.is on 25^th March 2024

A webmaster in time you'll be

The Paradox of Choice

Walk the Way

The Neon God

Thu, 29 Feb 2024 23:00:00 +0000

Image Details & Source

A nightlight / neon lamp in the form of Lain Iwakura, main protagonist of the anime: Serial Experiments Lain. A book about Charles Darwin, and his scientific theory of evolution, the word ‘LOVE’, and a model of the Eiffel Tower, are all featured in the background. Found on AliExpress.

The Original, Uncropped, Higher Quality Image is available in: Blue, Cyan, Green [jpg & webp], Purple, Red, Yellow [jpg & webp] & White

This page was last modified: March 14th, 2024

This post is part of…

IndieWeb Carnival: A project helping motivate people to write more on their personal websites. This month’s host is Manuel Moreale, and the topic was ‘Digital Relationships’.
Lainchan Web Festival: A project trying to foster a more active, independent web community. This month’s host (and founder) is newdigitalera.org, and the topic was ‘Nature’.
Agora Road Travelogue - Feb: A project attempting to encourage individuals to both write and exercise ownership over their content.
Tales of Agora Road - Ezine #4: A digital publication created by, and representative of, the Agora Road forum.

Finally, this post was heavily inspired by suragu and his post: suragu posmoderno. It’s written in Spanish, but you can read it in (Google Translated) English here.

¿Oye, tú tiene WhassApp?

In Spanish, we have the saying: ‘Amor de lejos, amor de pendejos’. In English it’d be, roughly: ‘Love from afar, love for idiots’. Like the proverb, I won’t be bothering to define love today. For the sake of discussion though, let’s roll with the idea that love is present, in some way, throughout the typical trifecta of:

Co-workers / Acquaintances <–> Friends <–> Family.

Ergo: Abuelita doesn’t approve of far-off friends, and she sure as hell ain’t commending you for having a long-distance lover.

I don’t hear the adage as much as I used to anymore. I suspect its perceived value has been slowly eroding away; not that it was ever intended to be dogma. Though, lol, Gran Gran did enjoy having the highest likelihood of getting to say ‘I told you so’. But, ha! She couldn’t forsee the future! We sure got one over on her in the end… Right?

Present Day, Present Time

Meemaw, for all her faults, be spitting straight fax, yo. Unfortunately, her wisdom is up against a formidable force, an adversary capable of warping humanity’s sense of spacetime.

the meaning of ‘far away’ begins to blur. And detractors proclaim Nana’s perception of proximity as “primitive”. Because their new lord has bestowed upon them a “more accurate” understanding.

Just a Man

The deity has no shortage of such “gifts” either. Each one individually, and cumulatively, granting all manner of “celestial power”. How could anyone blame us faithful for our worship? We’ve become “almighty”:

Carrying “omniscience” in our pockets, manifesting fantasies as “reality”, larping as Frankensteins! We converse as phantoms, the diluted remnants of intimacy’s essence, and yet still, somehow, retain the gall to call that a “relationship”.

Clearly, we’ve deemed Nature as “inadequate”. God’s labour as “insufficient”. And that, where He “falters”, the imitator “provides”: Synthesized light, fueled by the unrelenting, subatomic dissection of the apple. A sad substitute for the Sun’s sanctuary. But we’d trade ANYTHING to keep away the dark. ANYTHING for “salvation”.

For the absence of hardship, uncertainty, unknowns, loss, loneliness, hate, heartbreak, struggles, pain, death. Indeed, a “perfect world” knows not of night…

And so, we sooner play at divine architects, at semi-gods, than attempt to live humbly, boldly, gracefully, (w)holy, as men.

Contributors: Simon & Garfunkel –> The Sounds of Silence [#1 & #2] | Serial Experiments Lain [#1, #2 & #3] –> Lainchan –> Yukinu –> Lainring + sizeof.cat –> CozyBroz –> CozyNet IRC –> suragu –> suragu posmoderno [spa & eng] + Lil Pump –> Don Omar –> King of Kings –> Salió el Sol [#1 & #2] | Charles Darwin –> On the Origin of Species | Gilbert Ryle –> Ghost in the machine | Andrei | Albert Einstein –> special theory of relativity | The Voyager Program –> Carl Sagan –> Pale Blue Dot [#1 & #2] | The Bible [#1 & #2] + Aaron Leonard –> Book of Genesis [#1 & #2] –> Garden of Eden –> Tree of the knowledge of good and evil –> Forbidden fruit –> John Milton –> Paradise Lost [#1 & #2] | Homer –> The Odyssey [#1 & #2] –> Odysseus –> Astyanax –> Jorge Rivera-Herrans / Epic: The Musical | Prometheus –> Mary Shelley –> Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus [#1 & #2] –> Victor Frankenstein –> Frankenstein’s monster | Avocado Animations –> Velma Meets the Original Velma | Rush (band) –> 2112 (album) –> 2112 (song) [#1 & #2]

Syndication: 32-Bit Cafe | Agora Road | basement community

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IndieWeb h-entry

The Neon God

Published by foreverliketh.is on 29^th February 2024

Ghost in the Machine

¿Oye, tú tiene WhassApp?

The Neon God

32-Bit Cafe | Agora Road | basement community

I put some fireflies in a jar and did a long exposure for 3 minutes. (dont worry I let them go). by Greghogan on reddit

IndieWeb Carnival January 2024: Roundup

Sat, 03 Feb 2024 00:00:00 +0000

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♫ Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more… ♫

This page was last modified: February 3rd, 2024

♫ That planet Earth turns slowly ♫

Oh my days, it’s February! How time flies, amirite? Before I let you go though, how about we reap January’s wonderful harvest, traveler? The following are all of the responses I got to my IndieWeb Carnival prompt on positive internalization:

Summaries / Comments

Positive Internalization by Colin Morris [Archive]

I find Collin’s website aesthetic quite interesting, and well done. You won’t be surprised to read how meaningful it actually is to him. His good vibes regarding programming are also something I personally try to cultivate in my students. It can be easy for some to get stuck in the muck of frustration rather than the euphoria of success.

The smell of firewood / El olor de la leña by Yaidel [Archive #1 & #2]

Yaidel’s piece touches on a perhaps powerful tool for positive internalization: “odor-evoked autobiographical memory”. The vividness of his writing certainly does the experience justice. Wrapped-up in a lovely message of wisdom and gratitude. También me recordó de esta canción: Calle La Pantomima.

The Feeling of Being Myself by Sara Jakša [Archive]

Sara’s writing style is something I’ve been absorbing for a while now. I feel it’s very ‘stream of consciousness’ and that there’s a rawness to it that I really admire. That desire of wanting to stop self-suppressing, and the feelings that come in doing so, if that isn’t something worth internalizing, then I don’t know what is.

The Pupil (this one’s mine)

It’s less about positive internalization and more about the allure of teaching. I wasn’t as brave as everyone else in terms of transparently sharing my memory, but I’m happy with the post.

A few core memories by Juhis [Archive]

Juhis feels like a sincere guy. You don’t need to read his article to tell how much he values community. And his backpacking story will show you his love of a good journey. But it’s his honesty throughout that charms me; I consider this a prime example of positive internalization through memories.

Positive Internalization by Microbyte [Archive]

So, actually, there’s multiple ways to positively internalize. I believe Microbyte produced a perfect example of the visualization strategy. Basically, it’s better for people to focus on processes, rather than outcomes, i.e., it’s healthier if you fantasize about working out, rather than being fit. As for the piece itself: it’s incredible and you should read it.

Very Positive Memories by Jeremy Cherfas [Archive]

I e-met Jeremy last year, when I discovered the IndieWeb Carnival. He was hosting, and I just remember thinking: “this man could’ve chosen any topic”, but there he was, asking me about the got dam weather! Turns out, I loved writing my entry; and that, after reading his, I feel I have a deeper understanding of a person, rooted in nature, who is, indeed, an appreciator of delightful weathers.

Positive Internalization by Manuel Moreale [Archive]

Manu wrote “Extracting memories that remind me about the good parts of myself is hard. Painfully hard.” He wasn’t alone in feeling that way. Truth be told, I secretly hosted this carnival in the hopes that others could more clearly show me how it’s done, as I too find it difficult. But Manu also touched on a common thread throughout most of the submissions: the impact of others. We’ll come back to that.

The Breakfast Club Revisited by 💕 Devastatia 💕 [Archive]

If you’ve internalized a lot of negativity, you may want to consider externalization, particularly if it’s mostly directed towards yourself. It’s the expression, or “letting out”, of toxic feelings. It was “cool” back in 1985, and it’s even cooler today. Once you feel a little lighter, come back and read Dev’s submission. She has a few choice words about why there’s an excess of negativity in the first place.

Positive Internalization by Steve Ledlow [Archive]

It’s fun to note the various “triggers” that cause people to stroll down memory lane. Yaidel had smell, Juhis had pictures and Steve here, had tools. The post is short and sweet, but with a surprising amount of heft regardless; and a heart-warming, cross-generational touch.

Reflection and Positive Internalization by Hayden White [Archive]

Hayden’s article is all about perseverance. From his memories of learning to ride a bike to playing the drums, you can tell his is a beautiful tenacity. “Failure is a part of a success, not the opposite of it”, and yet dealing with it is a struggle for many. Internalizing more resolve might do a lot of us some good.

Nostalgia by Psychcool [Archive]

Psychcool’s entry is a deep dive into nostalgia, followed by a museum tour of some of his own. It’s the most online-centered writeup next to Devastatia’s; I’d even recommend reading them together. It’s also nice to see more of an optimistic outlook of the Internet and what it can offer. But, even here, the discussion circles back to friends and family irl.

Flutter by Zinzy Waleson Geene [Archive]

I can’t imagine a better submission to end the carnival on. Throughout most of the posts you’ll notice the importance of others, of relating, taking precedence. Bonding is literally pleasurable, down to the chemical level (endorphins!). It’s unsurprising when those intimate socializations turn out to be some of our fondest memories, like for Zinzy here. But it’s also more than that… Connecting… It’s human, foundational to the soul.

And On That Note

Manuel Moreale is hosting this month’s IndieWeb Carnival, and he’s inviting you to explore the topic of Digital Relationships.

It’s all connected, yo. I can’t wait to see what everyone writes up!

Cutting Room Floor

You may be familiar with positive affirmations. That cliché of standing in the mirror and exclaiming “I am beautiful” / “I am strong” / “I am capable” / “I can do it” etc. It’s a legitimate internalization strategy, just one that both my therapist and I consider a bit weak (and silly). Effective internalization benefits from believing whatever it is you’re internalizing. I cannot, with a straight face, tell myself “I’m beautiful”. But you’ll never catch me arguing with my memory of that pretty girl telling me: “hey, you’re kinda cute”.
I scoured the personal web (to the best of my abilities) for other articles about positive internalization. The Marginalia Search Engine was the one who delivered the only article worth mentioning imo: What Is Love? by Kenny Pearce, a 2-part essay, from 17 YEARS AGO (2007, to the month!), philosophically defining love. Quite fitting for February, doncha’ think?

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IndieWeb Carnival January 2024: Roundup

IndieWeb h-entry

IndieWeb Carnival January 2024: Roundup

Published by foreverliketh.is on 3^rd February 2024

♫ I'd like to make myself believe ♫

♫ That planet Earth turns slowly ♫

IndieNews | Agora Road | Mastodon | Lainchan | 32-Bit Cafe

The Pupil

Tue, 16 Jan 2024 00:00:00 +0000

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a few young girls in a classroom by Nishaan ahmed on Unsplash

This page was last modified: January 18th, 2024

This post is part of IndieWeb Carnival. A project helping motivate people to write more on their personal websites. This month’s host is me 🥰 and the topic was ‘Positive Internalization’.

This post is also part of Agora Road Travelogue - Jan. A project attempting to encourage individuals to both write and exercise ownership over their content.

Those Who Can’t

Over the holidays, I received an email from a Lainchan Webring neighbor, Slushbin (slushbin.net), asking about the teaching profession, as they were considering it for a potential career. Honestly, the entirety of my thoughts on that warrant its own blog post but, this one ain’t it. No, unfortunately for Slushbin, this post is about a tangent our correspondence inspired.

You see, in responding to Slushbin’s questions, I began to think about: “What makes a teacher successful?” The quick and dirty answer (because this isn’t our topic) is, imo, perseverance; especially at the start. Being a new teacher can be hard, it certainly was for me. My first 2 years were absolute train-wrecks, every one of my lessons were beat into me at the “dear school of experience”.

A common first-year lesson is that of your romantic idealist fantasies, anatomically found on the surface of one’s buttocks, having a series of cordial meetings with the firm belt of reality. Fun Fact: “Oh, my sweet summer child" is embossed on the leather! 😃 It is a dispiriting, yet generally necessary, learning. That those fanciful daydreams are the mythical exception, not the rule; and you either make peace with that, or quit.

Well, visitor… I don’t know if it’s that my lashings weren’t hard enough, or because I’m a “New” Romantic (dat 1’s 4 u, James 😘), but I still suffer from some of those whimsical reveries. And, today, at the risk of condemning Slushbin to punishment not seen in educational institutions since… uff, yikes, this morning? We’re gonna go for a stroll, through teaching’s Wonderland.

Down the Rabbit-Hole

I talked about the successful teacher earlier. My definition of success for that model is very pragmatic, and instructor-centered; basically, surviving == success, akin to being rather low on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Here in Wonderland 🎩 though, they scoff at the successful teacher; like, imagine not being able to teach? Couldn’t. Be. Me.

All of my students are angels.
My lesson plans are auto-magically generated and infused into my brain every morning, courtesy of my employer-mandated, “Open”AI-entwined, government-subsidized Neuralink; if I let it show me ads while I sleep, it does the grades too!
And, ofc, I have the most supportive admin / parents in the multiverse. 🙃

No. They don’t even acknowledge successful teachers around these parts 💅. What they spend their excess time on is philosophizing, about “The Great Teacher”. Unsurprisingly, consensus at their demented tea parties appears eternally elusive:

“Is it the one who impacts the largest quantity of students?”
“Perhaps it’s they who impacted an individual student’s life the most dramatically?”
“Hogwash! It’s the one who is capable of reaching ANY student!”

It’s best not to pay the people here much mind (one of them is literally a hare). Yet, their madness isn’t without its source. In education, a lot of energy, time and money 🙄, is spent on reflection. For example: Consultants, who can’t recall the last time they were in a classroom (if ever), ride in on their white horse, spout their self-made jargon of the week, point in “greatness’s” ever-shifting direction, pick-up their (large) paycheck on the way out, and maybe meetup with admin afterwards for their onanistic back-patting session.

“It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you.”

“So, greatness doesn’t exist then?” You mean, of the kind they were selling us back there? No, dear reader; or at least I haven’t run into it. But there is something I’ve come across, something that only happens in this twisted arcadia. You can call it great if you want, though I liken it more to a chemical reaction.

To put it in plainly, once you’ve got the hang of it, teaching is, really, quite mundane. Once in a blue moon though, like a brushing of flint and steel, there’s a chance you’ll catch a spark. The first one, you’ll probably rub your eyes and tell yourself you’re going to bed early (you won’t). But after spotting it a few times, you’ll begin to f-e-e-l a small jolt of electricity.

Settle down, Static Shock, you aren’t joining the Justice League anytime soon. Have you noticed yet? How random it is? Sometimes weak, sometimes stronger, sometimes brief, sometimes a little longer… Feels good, right? Don’t worry now, it’s not addictive. But I’d be wary of any proclaiming that they’ve got its “secret formula”.

How could they? NO-ONE can compel planets to align. The gall they have to take credit for Mother Nature’s perfect storms: The right student(s), alongside the right teacher, with the right attitudes, sharing the right rapport, possessing the right knowledge, at the right time, in the right place, under the right conditions, exploring the right topics… Just a couple of those elements coinciding momentarily and– zap! Magic ✨. Small manifestations of it; blips in reality.

The Rogue Wave

But we haven’t come all this way for some flickers, yo. Nah. We’re here for: The Big One. It exists… I’ve SEEN it. I don’t believe in it. I’ve touched it; I don’t believe in it. I’ve tasted it, I have breathed it, I have known it in the deepest core of my being. And it is as possible for YOU, as it was for me–

The (Great) Convergence!

Now, I don’t presume to know what yours would be like, traveler. But mine?

I remember… Sincerity. A genuine smile. A pure curiosity. A palpable, transparent receptiveness. A beautiful tenacity. A grateful grace. I ‘member, at times, not feeling like the teacher, but the pupil; inspired, like a serpent that FINALLY devoured its tail.

~ ~ ~

This job… It’s a siren, no doubt. Capable of sinking you in a myriad of ways. But that sweet sound you hear, when it initially beckons, isn’t just a trap. Its hymn holds true…

Even, if only, one sporadic, fleeting moment at a time.

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IndieWeb h-entry

The Pupil

Published by foreverliketh.is on 16^th January 2024

Brightness, Light, Brilliance

Those Who Can't

The Pupil

IndieNews | Agora Road | basement community | Mastodon

Schooling

IndieWeb Carnival January 2024: Positive Internalization

Mon, 01 Jan 2024 00:00:00 +0000

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slow shutter light photography by Bambi Corro on Unsplash

This page was last modified: February 1st, 2024

Happy New Year!

I’m so excited to be starting 2024 off with a bang by hosting the 8th mensual IndieWeb Carnival! Anyone and everyone is welcome to participate:

Write in any language! God bless Google Translate!
No blog? No problem! Get your submission to me and I’ll publish it!
More of a talker? Dam, yo. I’m even accepting recordings!

The soft deadline is February 1st. But don’t push it, it ain’t dat soft. Followed by the roundup post shortly thereafter. Get your submission to me via any of the following:

Comments section (down below)
Email
Mastodon

And without further ado…

The Challenge

Psychological internalization refers, roughly, to the process of taking in and making external ideas (values, attitudes, or standards) a part of your own thoughts, beliefs, personality and identity. This can happen through both conscious and unconscious means.

It is something that occurs as a normal part of development. For example, a child adopting the moral values of their parents, incorporating them into their own sense of right and wrong.

You’ll notice that internalization itself is an inherently neutral phenomenon. People can internalize both positive (good for you) and negative (bad for you) ideas. Unfortunately, humanity (generally) seems to possess a negativity bias. But that’s precisely the issue we’re going to address:

Your entry for this month’s carnival will have you intentionally seek out positive memories. Memories that remind you of the good parts of yourself; the facets of your being that you want to see more of, that you wish to nurture and grow. By reliving them and seeing yourself in that positive light, you help to internalize a healthier, and more accurate, self-perception.

It’s important to note that effective internalization is about emotions. It’s not enough to think that your memory is positive, it has to FEEL positive. If you sincerely want the benefits, then this is not something you can “logic” your way out of. Don’t listen to your brain, listen to your heart.

It’s a new year, traveler. Let’s set ourselves up for a good one.

Additional Resources: Internalize the Good | How to Use the Good

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IndieWeb Carnival January 2024: Positive Internalization

IndieWeb h-entry

IndieWeb Carnival January 2024: Positive Internalization

Published by foreverliketh.is on 1^st January 2024

Good Vibrations

Happy New Year!

IndieNews | Agora Road | Mastodon | basement community

Gift Giving

Sun, 31 Dec 2023 00:00:00 +0000

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person showing brown gift box by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash

A gift or a present is an item given to someone without the expectation of payment or anything in return.

This page was last modified: December 31st, 2023

This post is part of IndieWeb Carnival. A project helping motivate people to write more on their personal websites. This month’s host is Johanna and their topic was ‘Holiday and December traditions’ [#1 & #2]

This post is also part of Agora Road Travelogue - Dec. A project attempting to encourage individuals to both write and exercise ownership over their content.

Bah! Humbug!

Of all the holiday traditions I’m familiar with, the one I’ve caught myself engaging with the most year over year would have to be gift-giving. While I won’t extrapolate my experience with it to you, traveler, I’ve personally found the whole thing to be… a bit of a process. And I’m not alone: A Lainchan Webring neighbor, Mark (maerk.xyz), recently wrote about their Christmas gifting struggles, expressing sentiments I totally relate to.

In my opinion, part of the grinchy frustration that can stem from the practice is that its nature is more complicated than it appears at first glance. But I believe that, with a good mindset, a little preparation and maybe a couple handy strategies, we can keep ourselves from questioning why we even bother in the first place.

Ant, Not Grasshopper

The average American currently spends approximately $648 USD on Christmas gifts; a little over 1% of their yearly salary. A higher-end alternative is to cap the spending at 1 week’s salary. Play with that dial as you see fit, but I would try to stay in that range. Ideal gift-giving, imo, embodies the ‘Goldilocks principle’, and budget is the first place it should be applied. Whatever the amount, set it in stone for the year and don’t look back.

Alright, Santa Claus, now it’s time to make your list. Here’s the rough hierarchy: Family –> Friends –> Coworkers. Seems too obvious? You’d be surprised:

Additionally, the more distant the person, the easier it is to get them a “good” gift. Naturally, their absence of expectation produces a “low effort, high reward” effect; be wary of that trap. I’m not gonna throw out percentages, but if the bulk of your pot isn’t going to those that love you, there’s probably something worth reevaluating.

Modern Magi

Now for the REAL challenge: the gifts themselves. Balance can be key.

Not too cheap, but also not too expensive.
Not too giver-centered, but also not too recipient-centered. It should have a piece of you, a personal touch, but just a bit.
Not too plain / boring, but also not 100% reaction bait. Try to spice it up if it’s something bland, and don’t forget to consider the practicality (and size) if it’s something flashy.

Additional tips include:

SOME element of surprise; even if it’s just the timing. #1
Remember you can gift experiences (something to do), not just stuff. #2
Taking notes (being attentive) all year round, can save you hunting time.

Need inspiration? I recommend:

Etsy
r/GiftIdeas
YouTube Search: “Gift Ideas” + “Hobby / Gender / Interest / etc.”

Forest for the Trees

No matter the effort, there is NO guarantee that a present will be appreciated. The attempt of sincere giving alone should serve as both sufficient motivation to try, and its own reward. Sound a tad stoic? Perhaps. But common alternative attitudes can prove problematic:

“Christmas has become a capitalist holiday”
- You’re just a sucker falling for a scam, and the only way to win is not to play.
“Gift Giving Is About the Buyer, Not the Receiver”
- You’re actually just selfish, and only want to feel good about yourself.
“The economics of wasteful spending: The deadweight loss of Christmas”
- You’re, literally, burning money away when you engage in this.

These types of logical / cynical lenses that we can look at the tradition through, I think they do more harm than good. Oft-repeated advice in these circles include:

Just give money.
Ask the recipient what they want.
Gift only utilitarian items.
Forgo gift-giving entirely.

It’s like there’s an obsession with optimization, or a fatalist pessimism, or a fear of failure, or some notion of intellectual superiority. Citing research or studies, and declaring the findings as a sort-of gospel is par for the course. Fren, they have not “solved” gift-giving; they’ve developed a formula for mediocrity! And worse, it’s possibly a poison to the spirit of the act; a dehumanizing, soul-eating scrooge-toxin!

Is the tradition such a burden? A custom out of time? A materialistic inconvenience? I don’t know, visitor. But I’ll be here, trying to get better at it anyways. If you have any, I’d love to hear your thoughts on what makes for good gift-giving.

Happy New Year! 🎆

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IndieWeb h-entry

Gift Giving

Published by foreverliketh.is on 31^st December 2023

Ya Gotta Try

Bah! Humbug!

Gift Giving

Agora Road

Internet Usage

Sat, 09 Dec 2023 00:00:00 +0000

Image Details & Source

man walking beside man holding umbrella by Frank Holleman on Unsplash

This page was last modified: December 13th, 2023

Consequences

Back in August, I mentioned wanting to “touch grass” more. On the off chance I need to justify that goal for you, reader, consider the following:

The phrase “terminally online” has its own Wikipedia page.
People, myself included, have (ironically) taken to calling the Unabomber: “Uncle Ted” as if, while “eccentric”, he was maybe “onto something” / “looking out for us”.
Anyone unable to recognize that the digital age has got life out of whack– well, as my students might say: “they’re an NPC [#1 & #2]”.

In that vein, I’d like to give my two cents on a prevalent sentiment you’re likely to find on your expeditions across cyberspace:

The thought that “true freedom / peace / happiness / contentment” can only be found in abandoning the Internet entirely. That anything “less” is a “second rate sacrifice”; or a “cope [#1 & #2]”.

Some 96 Lives

I don’t remember where I read it, but there’s an idea that’s stuck with me for over a decade now. It’s a sort-of criticism directed at monasticism (or “monkhood”), the concept of renouncing “worldly” pursuits to devote oneself fully to spiritual work. You know the trope, visitor: some rando experiencing an existential crisis drops everything to join some monastery on some isolated mountain to search for some… thing.

Now, I don’t mean to repudiate an entire way of life, but the idea challenges that notion and its prerequisites, like:

seclusion from society / modernity
giving things up, renunciation
solitude and silence

It questions whether the people willing to go to such lengths, are, exclusively, the ONLY ones worthy of receiving the fruit it bears. It asks if Joe Nobody, irrespective of what they do, would be undeserving of the same reward. It posits: Which is more difficult? Attaining “spiritual wholeness” in an environment designed for its cultivation? Or attaining it in spite of an “imperfect” situation? That if Mr(s). Nobody can strive towards balance in the midst of their everyday life, with all of its obstacles and struggles, then aren’t they more worthy than the recluse?

Cowardice?

Isn’t scurrying off to a desolate convent somewhat akin to thinking it’s:

the world’s fault!
my country’s fault!
my city’s fault!
my employer’s fault!
my possessions’ fault!
my friend’s fault!
my family’s fault!
the industrial revolution’s fault!
the Internet’s fault!

Do you lack the courage or will to take responsibility for your own fulfillment? The determination or discipline to face your humanity and its err, your circumstances and its stacked odds… the Internet and its attempts to control you?

Look, there’s many roads to Rome, traveler. I think, on the whole, we’re out of homeostasis; and that you should do whatever you think best to restore your own personal equilibrium. You feel that means “quitting the internet”? Go for it, yo.

Just consider that you may, perhaps, be going from one extreme, to another.

Syndication: Agora Road [#1 & #2] | basement community | IndieNews | Mastodon

This post is part of the basement community 1-Year Anniversary Blog Event [#1 & #2].

This blog post is also part of Agora Road Travelogue - Dec [#1 & #2]. A project attempting to encourage individuals to both write and exercise ownership over their content.

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IndieWeb h-entry

Internet Usage

Published by foreverliketh.is on 9^th December 2023

All or Nothing

Consequences

Internet Usage

Agora Road [#1 & #2] | basement community | IndieNews | Mastodon

man in red jacket standing beside brown cow on green grass field during daytime by Frank Holleman on Unsplash

My Lolcow & Me

Sun, 29 Oct 2023 00:00:00 +0000

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This page was last modified: October 31st, 2023

🎶 Well, Ali Baba had them forty thieves 🎶

Back in my college days, towards the start, I made an acquaintance that I’ll never forget. Over time, I’d grow to know him. I want to imagine that there was a period in that relationship where we would have sincerely considered one another “friend”. For the longest time, I certainly would have called him that. But, now, years later, I sit here at my keyboard with the realization that what I actually treated him like, was a “Lolcow”.

I’m not using that word lightly either. I’m well aware of its connotations online. I link specifically to that Urban Dictionary definition because it excludes the elements of harassment, stalking, bullying and more, associated with the term. Sadly, even without those aspects, it’s still not a pretty picture. The dynamic is about extracting (“milking”) comedy (“lols”) from a human being (“a cow”). Almost undoubtedly at their expense, and irrespective of their awareness of it.

Right now, online, there’s a bit of a mainstream-adjacent zeitgeist skirting around the label and the individuals, and groups, (unfortunate enough to be) caught within its orbit. While I reckon this growth in popularity is primarily a consequence of the paradoxically unquenchable thirst for “content” that our oversaturated, ad-centered, corporatized, modern internet possesses. I also think there’s a little more to it.

🎶 Scheherazade had a thousand tales 🎶

Alonso was… really something else, yo. From joining cults and renouncing loving family members to running with gangs and taking first dates on creepy, orgy-esque outings. My most insane life stories feature Alonso. And at some moment in our time together, I began seeing him as less of a person and more of a generator of wild, comical experiences. The decisions I’d make regarding him warped to the degree of prioritizing concepts like “entertainment potential” over more sensible things like “personal wellbeing” or “troublesome inconvenience”. Take the cult story for example: I drove him to the meetings! Cause it was funny. It felt sitcom-ish.

But it didn’t start out that way… And while I’m not going to excuse or justify my actions, I didn’t change without reason. Alonso constantly made senseless choices. Well-meaning intent, timely interventions, deep discussions, seemingly transformative revelations, it didn’t matter. He’d pick the “wrong” option, and then, even more confounding was, he could not reconcile their (usually) logical outcomes. To a cartoonish degree! While his real friends grew increasingly frustrated with him, I just kinda checked-out.

Ironically, it was that very apathy that led us to hanging out the most we ever would. Was it because I stopped treating him like a “problem” needing to be “fixed” and it allowed us to grow closer? No, dear reader, I’m pretty sure he just enjoyed having an overt enabler. And, so… there we were: my ignorant, home-brew Don Quixote, and I, his twisted, off-brand Sancho Panza. Doing whatever I could to oblige the fighting of windmills. Chapter by chapter, off we went, filling the pages of our lowly “epic”.

🎶 But, master, you in luck ‘cause, up your sleeves 🎶

What made me that way? What was the attraction? What kept me fascinated? I’m no angel, but it’d be superficial to just write me off as a “heartless, manipulative jerk”. Likewise, it would be just as shallow to place the blame squarely on Alonso and his village idiot–like behavior. Here’s what I suspect:

Morbid curiosity might be evolutionarily ingrained in us. Left to its own devices, traffic WILL slow for a train wreck. “The News” IS biased toward the negative. Surely you’re familiar with freak shows, traveler? The fascination with the unusual, isn’t so unusual. But I’d say this still only addresses about half of the “lolcow phenomena”.

The science of laughter is surprisingly vast, nuanced and unfinished. But as far back as Ancient Greece there have existed theories linking humor and superiority. And while it’s obvious that there’s more at play here, my personal feelings on the matter hint at this being a significant element.

🎶 You got a brand of magic never fails 🎶

In my opinion, Alonso rarely cared about anything but himself and our time together was nothing short of reciprocal parasitism. But he never needed me as much as I needed him. I used him to feel good about myself. I used him as a key to wacky, dreamlike affairs. And I used him as a vicarious substitute for failure, to avoid the criticism that I both hypocritically dished him and secretly, childishly feared.

Alonso was a fool, in more ways than one. But even fools bear wisdom. He was eternally blind (and deaf) to it mind you, but it was there. Unbelievable were the moments where things just… worked out for him. Frequent too, beyond that of a broken clock. A “man of action”, and that’s not meant to be a compliment; if he had thoughts I can practically guarantee they were worthless. But fortune favors the bold, and it never audits the source.

That walking, talking joke… That absolute circus clown of a man! For all his faults, he still, somehow, managed to embody a valuable truth. One more priceless than even the lifetime of laughs he left me with:

“To live is to lol.”

So, visitor, I ask you, truly–

got milk?

Contributors: Plato | Miguel de Cervantes –> Don Quixote [#1 & #2] | One Thousand and One Nights –> Aladdin –> Aladdin (1992) –> Robin Williams –> Friend Like Me [#1 & #2] –> Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves –> Scheherazade | Elbert Hubbard –> Little journeys to the homes of American statesmen | Coltan Scrivner | Jonathan Sandling | Vox –> Dylan Matthews | Scientific American –> Giovanni Sabato | Geno Samuel | Hiromu Arakawa –> Fullmetal Alchemist –> Equivalent Exchange | Akira Toriyama –> Dragon Ball Z –> Vegeta’s Pride | Trey Parker & Matt Stone –> South Park –> Britney’s New Look

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This blog post is part of Agora Road Travelogue - Oct [#1 & #2]. A project attempting to encourage individuals to both write and exercise ownership over their content.

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IndieWeb h-entry

My Lolcow & Me

Published by foreverliketh.is on 29^th October 2023

Equivalent Exchange

🎶 Well, Ali Baba had them forty thieves 🎶

My Lolcow & Me

Agora Road, Mastodon & basement community

My Kind of Weather

Sat, 30 Sep 2023 00:00:00 +0000

Image Details & Source

a close up of a planet with a black background by Planet Volumes on Unsplash

It is a 3D render of Jupiter; and I mean to highlight its Great Red Spot, the largest storm in our Solar System.

This page was last modified: October 4th, 2023

Diamond in the Rough

There is an event commonly known as the Hundred Year Flood. As its name implies, and in terms of the human lifespan, it is quite rare. It is possible for you to live a long, fulfilling life without ever experiencing one, traveler. The Parcae had other plans for me, however; and my gratitude to them will persist until the day I die.

While I do not mean to celebrate the harm, deaths, tragedies, etc. that befall many who experience such events, their occurrence does contribute to the beauty that can be found. The silver lining, so to speak.

For how else could Terra humble our hubris than through a small, yet awe-inspiring, display of Her power? How else could She restore a reverence more lost than ever before in human history? To interpret her demonstration solely as a misfortune is a disservice to the gift that it delivers… A reminder of what is truly important.

A clarity potent enough to make neighbors put aside their petty squabbles: “Why won’t your dogs shut up?!”, “Your tree keeps shedding leaves in MY POOL!”, “The division between our properties is HERE, NOT THERE!”

A cleansing intense enough to sever the Wired and break the masses free of its digital illusion. So free, that the pity is on the “fortunate” who managed to stay “connected”, because they cannot even fathom the prison they’re in, let alone being released from it.

I knew an old couple that sat many evenings out on their porch. Sometimes both, sometimes one. They’d sit longer into the night than seemed reasonable, as if they were waiting for something that never came. It wasn’t until after the disaster that I believed I understood why.

Every subsequent evening, almost the entire street went, and sat, and talked, and shared, and played, for hours, around THEIR porch. Stubborn habit? Or had they just never forgotten a normal that everyone else briefly remembered?

And I do mean briefly, visitor. The one in a hundred is enough to provide a glimpse of days past, but it isn’t enough to bring them back. You’d have to dial it up, and even then I’m not so sure… Some say we’ve crossed the Rubicon. It’s a risky game too, after a certain point the odds surely take more than could be gained.

Regardless, the hardship, struggle, anxiety, camaraderie, compassion, connection, tenacity, simplicity I experienced, all of it, was unforgettable.

I’ve no doubt Jove has plenty of storms in store for all of us in one way or another. But here, at last, I understand a strange truth…

My kind of weather must be weathered.

May we receive more from it than we lose, dear reader.

Contributors: Ancient Rome & Serial Experiments Lain

Syndication: Mastodon & Agora Road

This blog post is part of IndieWeb Carnival. A project trying to help people post more on their personal websites. This month’s host is Jeremy Cherfas and their topic was ‘My Kind of Weather’ [#1 & #2]

This blog post is also part of Agora Road Travelogue - Sep [#1 & #2]. A project attempting to encourage individuals to both write and exercise ownership over their content.

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IndieWeb h-entry

My Kind of Weather

Published by foreverliketh.is on 30^th September 2023

Be Not Afraid

Diamond in the Rough

My Kind of Weather

Agora Road & Mastodon

World of Troubles

Sat, 16 Sep 2023 00:00:00 +0000

Image Details & Source

Frame from Fire Emblem Awakening cutscene: “Marth No More” by ANIMA Inc.*

The focus is on Lucina’s left eye. On how it bears the “Brand of the Exalt”, and on how a tear is beginning to form.

This page was last modified: September 17th, 2023

20/20

I was thinking about my father today, visitor. It wasn’t my intention but I began to recall moments (and ways) that I feel he let me down. I won’t waste your time with them; I’ve no doubt there are a countless number of people that could unquestioningly prove to you that their parent(s) failed them.

In my opinion, I was blessed with incredible parents. To nitpick, as I let my mind do today, is unfair; possibly to an insulting degree. Mind you, I’m not taking any of it back, but know that, if I could, I’d pick them over and over again, every single life.

Still, one can’t help but wonder: “What If…?” Or at least I can’t help it. And that led me to reason the following, reader: If even a “grateful” child (like me) can feel disappointed in their parent(s), what hope do I have as a father?

Absolutely None

So, rather than a post of me b—ing and moaning about my daddy issues, I thought it’d be more interesting to kind-of turn that on its head. I.e. this write-up is now a prediction on how exactly I f— up / screw over my imaginary, future progeny:

I’m sorry I raised you in the city. You should’ve had space to play, and nature to explore.
I’m sorry your mother and I divorced; there was no way I got it right.
I’m sorry I didn’t make you independent or responsible enough for adulthood.
I’m sorry you’re stupid. My b, yo.
I’m sorry I wasn’t serious enough. I tend to consider a lot of things not very important, so I probably let too much slide. I probably justified it as “choosing my battles”, but I bet I was just lazy and instead made you feel like things that should’ve mattered, didn’t.
I’m sorry I didn’t drink or do drugs, and how it 100% guaranteed that you would. I’m sorry that I failed you in your fight against your addiction(s). Please find help and/or Jesus.
I’m sorry I discouraged your nerdy tendencies. I thought you’d be better off touching as much grass as possible. I should’ve taught you how to find balance, rather than suppress potentially problematic parts of yourself.
Sorry I made you too distrustful and wary of women, Timmy. Rather than scare you, I should’ve helped you become a man who wouldn’t consider them such a big deal. Please disregard if gay. Also: the opposite goes for you, Crystal.
I’m sorry I didn’t have more answers.

Half Full

Was this too sad, or weird? Oh well. 🤷‍♀️ Too late now. It’d be fun to find out how “on the money” I am. Honestly, imo, I definitely could’ve done you worse; quit your wailing! Also I am allowed to tweak this right up until you (if ever) become reality.

You know… We are so much more than our parent(s). At the end of the day, we turn out how we do in spite of them, for better and for worse…

I believe in ya, kid. You got this.

Written for Chrom

“You deserved better from me than one sword and a world of troubles…”

Contributors: Mom and Dad, Aral

This blog post is part of Agora Road Travelogue - Sep [#1 & #2]. A project attempting to encourage individuals to both write and exercise ownership over their content.

Comments Section

IndieWeb h-entry

World of Troubles

Published by foreverliketh.is on 16^th September 2023

+1 Sword

20/20

World of Troubles

Agora Road | Mastodon