Last tended: February 22nd, 2023
The Lies We Tell
I’ve peered behind another’s curtain today, dear reader. I ask in advance that you forgive (or at least put aside) that sin; for what I saw, it invoked me. ✝️
I had debts due and was forced to use a family member’s financial system. In doing so, I noticed quite a few recent, and relatively large, payments to an app platform. I knew what they were… the real question was: How many?
I think my family member is addicted to (a) predatory mobile game(s). I found many payments spread across the past 2 years adding up to about [REDACTED] via that system alone. “If you have one rat, you have a thousand.” BET.
Tsk… I always knew; in a way. Had I just convinced myself: “It couldn’t possibly be that bad?”
I wish I could claim that ignorance, curious stranger. But the bitter truth is this: I am not blind! I am weak. I have seen many a pit, along with their occupants; my loved ones. I- I just want them to be happy… Yes. They are in there, at varying profundities; but they are NOT buried. I have not lost them. They are there because something is wrong. That hole is giving them some kind-of solace.
Do you think I could give them better, visitor? Do you think you could?
The Pot & the Kettle
I haven’t just gazed into these chasms, of course: I’ve been in a couple… Maybe I still am. I remember one so deep, I sincerely believed we could never be apart. I’m so blessed we could though. Solace is a sad substitute… But when it’s so dark and you don’t know what to do or the alternative is too painful, like staring at the sun, it suffices.
I… can’t speak for my family member. But they carry a melancholy at times that I feel I know well. I think I know what it means to face your pit(s), but I don’t think I know what it means to help someone face theirs. They’re each uniquely twisted, after all.
Baby It’s You
It’s not ‘bout the money! It’s that it hurts to think they’re unhappy. That they’re just trying to meet some need and they’re being taken advantage of for it. That I don’t know what I could do, if anything, to help them. It breaks my heart.